


Can you give me one night

by music_islife



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/M, Heart Break, Hypnosis, M/M, One Sided Attraction, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2020-07-28 10:26:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20062492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/music_islife/pseuds/music_islife
Summary: Ethan just wants one dancing with his crushAlso known as Author has been listening to Joji for 10 hours





	Can you give me one night

**Author's Note:**

> Best if read while listening to ‘Slow Dancing In The Dark’ by Joji

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ethan felt _numb._  
It was another day at the office, another day of watching _them_, another day of acting like it didn’t kill him on the inside to see their smiles and longing looks. She was his best friend. He should be happy for them. His two favorite people were making each other happy. So _why did it feel like someone punched him in the chest?_  
Every time he saw them together, he thought back to last year. He thought back to when that smile was aimed at him. When those hands where on his. When those arms were around his waist. Those lips in his ear, praising and encouraging him. Every time Amy told him another story, every time she asked him, “You know how he is, right?”, he just smiled. He smiled and nodded before excusing himself to the bathroom. He was sure she didn’t do it on purpose, but it killed him every time. Every little reminder of what he had lost.  
The worst thing though, had to be the looks. In the rare moments Ethan was able to look away, he thought that Mark might be watching him. He caught him once, and what he saw.... he couldn’t describe the look on Marks face. It was stern and guarded. Disappointed, or was it angry? It haunted him. It was like he was looking at someone completely different, someone else. He didn’t know what it meant, but he couldn’t stop thinking about that moment. He couldn’t stop thinking about Marks eyes.

~~~~~~~~~

Ethan hadn’t smoked in a long time.  
He hated the taste of cigarettes, hated the bitter smell it left on his breath, how it clung to his clothes. Yet, here he was. Sitting on the roof of his apartment in the middle of the night, smoke snaking from his lips and gliding through the air. The world around him was noisy, the street lights and billboard signs giving an orange glow to the darkness around him. But he felt calm. Calm and... _empty_. Like something was missing inside of him. Hollow was a better word, he supposed. The stale air around him felt welcoming, like the darkness was ready to embrace him. To take him away from the emptiness, away from the hurt, away from... away from _Mark._ Suddenly he was angry. It was a deep rage, a guttural feeling that swallowed him whole. He crushed the half full package of cigarettes in his hand and hurled it as far as he could. He felt like breaking something, wanted something to shatter and explode. All at once he was screaming, hands tearing at his hair, body hunched over and tears streaming down his face. He didn’t notice when his knees hit the ground, only focused on the buzzing static in his head and the choking sobs wracking his body. He wasn’t sure how long he stayed there, just scream crying at someone who wasn’t there, arguing and pleading with a voice that would not answer. By the time he finished, he felt hollow once more, and headed to his room to get ready for work.

~~~~~~~

He hadn’t slept in days. That was the only reason why he decided any of this made sense to him.  
He had watched GMM’s hypnosis video, and it gave him this crazy idea that just _wouldn’t leave._ So he suggested it to Mark as a video idea, he knew some basic hypnosis, and the viewers would find it hilarious. And that was how Ethan ended up alone with Mark and a video camera in one of the back rooms of the office. It was a simple room, just a couch and some chairs that had been put in there for the video. Ethan told Mark to lay on the couch with his eyes closed while he set up the video, they had already recorded an intro and explanation before hand. But instead of fixing the camera, Ethan turned it off. He wanted to do this first, he’ll just tell everyone it was a mistake later, wouldn’t be the first time he screwed everything up. Soon, he sat on the couch, and instructed mark to breath deeply while counting to ten.  
After it seemed like Mark was officially under, Ethan sat in silence. He wasn’t sure what to do. So, he just started talking. He said everything he wished he could say to Mark. He talked about how much he regretted leaving. He talked about how numb he’s felt since things ended. Talked about how it kills him to see him with someone else. How angry he was that it was his best friend of all people. How he wished he could be mad or upset, feel anything besides this aching numbness that won’t go away. How he would give anything to just be held by him again. How he wanted a few more minutes to feel whole again, before being shut out again. How he knew he couldn’t compete with Amy, how Mark deserved her because she could give him more than he ever could. How he wished he made him smile like that. How he wished Mark would look at him like that. Hold him like he does her. How he just... wanted him to be happy with _him_.  
Ethan fell silent for a while, before he remembered why he was there. Slowly, he stood next to the bed where Mark lay, still and seemingly unaware of the turmoil that was happening in the room with him. Ethan cleared his throat, and in a gentle but firm voice, spoke. 

“When I snap my fingers, you would want nothing more than to hold me like you used to.”

_Snap._

For a moment, Mark didn’t move. Ethan was starting to get worried that he had done something wrong, until Mark slowly began to open his eyes. The moment he looked at Ethan, they filled with sadness. With heartbreak. Grief. It looked wrong on his face, and once again Ethan became worried that he did something wrong. But before he could speak, Mark stood, and wrapped his arms around him. Ethan instantly relaxed, as if every muscle in his body had decided to stop working. He wrapped his arms around the slightly larger male and gripped his shirt like it was the only thing keeping him to the earth. He didn’t know when he started crying, or when Mark had started humming, but soon enough they were rocking back and forth to some song that Ethan couldn’t quite place. He was so lost in the feelings, that he almost didn’t hear Mark whisper apologies to him. 

Ethan pulled back and looked at Mark, realization and humiliation rushing over him. Of course Mark wasn’t hypnotized. The man just pitied him. Ethan had told him everything that he never wanted him to hear. He had tried to manipulate him for personal reasons. He couldn’t stay in the room anymore. He threw open the door and ran. Ignoring Marks protests and calls for him to come back. Ignoring Tyler and Amy’s confused looks. He ran out the door and kept running. All he could think of was the look in Mark’s eyes. The hurt, the self loathing, the guilt, the regret. The pity. He couldn’t think of anything thing else. Couldn’t take notice of the world behind him.

He didn’t even know he had made it down the street until he felt the car slam into his side.

**Author's Note:**

> Get ready for a lot of depressing stories y’all


End file.
